Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Found the puke drawer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
