you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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