I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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