I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaidâs vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now sheâs a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. âHigh maintenance hotâ doesnât even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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