I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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