If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
