I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
