Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
