We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
