I hate your face
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
