nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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