i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
