we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
