Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
