Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize