Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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