Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
