Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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