I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
