I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
