clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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