Sry I called you an 8
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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