your room smells of hookers.
And success
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
