Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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