Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
