My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
