I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
