As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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