Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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