You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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