I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
