I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
