so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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