I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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