who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
