Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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