The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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