Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
