It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize