Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
