this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
