just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
