Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize