Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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