My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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