Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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