i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
