seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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