i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
