all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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