he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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