I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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