They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
