the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
