So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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