I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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