I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
