So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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