Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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