I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
