I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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