I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
