Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
