my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
