oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The air was thick with penises
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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