life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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