i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
