i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she peed on how many people?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
