The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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