VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
