her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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