If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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