wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
