i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
