I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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