Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
