It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize