my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
