dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I believe in your delicious
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
