Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've blown a few things in my day
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
