I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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