I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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