If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
