She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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