I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
