I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize