I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
