i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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