The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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