Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
